In A Manner of Speaking
We've all done it.
1. Said something before thinking
2. Forgotten to do something we said we would
3. Used an unintentional "tone" that didn't match our intent
The way we say things (and the things we don't) make a world of difference. This is a simple truth, but sometimes what comes out is just short of our goal. We (meaning ' I ') need to be more intentional in our words and actions. The following scenarios are personal events in my life that I'm sure I am not unique in experiencing. I'm not going to expound on the first statement because I am willing to bet that as soon as you read it, you thought of several things you personally have said that you regret. Again, we ALL have at one point or another, if not daily, right?
So let's start with the next in line.
2. At the beginning of the year we discussed what our some of our "Family Contributions" (chores) would be to make our home run more smoothly. My husband agreed that he could sweep and mop the floor. Since he's up and going first, so even if it doesn't get swept the night before, he can sweep in the morning so it's ready for the day. Welllll...that lasted about a week. I sweep it after meals during the day so it's not so terrible (it's a must with 3 and 1 year old boys), so really it isn't all that bad. I remind him "don't forget to sweep the floor so our baby doesn't inadvertently pick something up and choke". He responds, "ok"...and then doesn't do it. Now, in the grand scheme of things, it is not a big deal. I can sweep. What his actions say to me though are "my time is too valuable to care about making life easier for you".
My first two hours awake: "mommy, you awake?" "mommy, I need go pee-pee" "mommy baby is crying" "mommy, not that bubble bath" "no mommy" "mommy, I want THAT underwears"... get the kids ready, maybe get a shower in, handle diapers, throw in some laundry, "mommy, I'm hungry" "mommy, hold me" "mommy, baby is crying again"...
His first two hours awake: Quietly get up, shower, get ready for the day, go downstairs, eat breakfast, let the dog out, feed the dog, head to work listening to the radio station of choice...
Can you see what I mean? Is that REALLY what he's trying to say? No. But it has really made me think about MY actions and following through on the things I agree to do. I know I can definitely improve.
3. The order of our words and the tones we use have an impact, whether or not we think they do.
What I want: My 3yr old to eat his sandwich.
A.
Me: "Eat your sandwich"
3yo: "I want more milk"
Me: "After you eat your sandwich"
3yo: "NO! I want more milk."
Me: "When your sandwich is done"
3yo: "I want milk! No eat sandwich!"
...obviously things aren't going well...
B.
Me: "Eat your sandwich"
3yo: "I want more milk"
Me: "You can have more milk when your sandwich is all gone"
3yo: "Ok, mommy, I eat my sandwich all gone then mommy get me more red milk"
...things went more smoothly...
What made the difference? He still needed to eat his sandwich first, so why was he frustrated in the first scenario, but not the second? Simple-I acknowledged what he wanted and then told him what he needed to do to do it. Without acknowledging his desire, he couldn't listen beyond his own desire. I find it interesting that by simply showing someone we are listening to them, they are more willing to listen to us.
No matter what you say or do, let us all be more aware of the effect we truly have on others and more conscientious of how we address each other.
